In a poem, two sentences are TWO lines. Mixing them together throws off the rhythm.
Other than that, it was a good poem. I liked the content.
-Eden
On Eden's "Constructive Criticism"
2003-09-30
Added by: Matt Koone
"Built" doesn't sound as good as "Builded" for that verse. Also "builded"'s two syllables give it a more spacious sound: consider your proposed "built" in that same spot and your poem won't sound as good. I think old Mr. Aiken knew his grammar well.
I also disagree with that made-up rule of two sentences having to be on two different verses. The goal in doing so is clearly to link up to concepts in two different sentences, thus creating a certain ambience. And that thing about the rhythm, who said that "It is moonlight." is to define the rhythm for the whole poem?
Good poetry is not about following rhythm or rhyme rules, that only leads to a dry, boring execution with no originality whatsoever.
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In a poem, two sentences are TWO lines. Mixing them together throws off the rhythm.
Other than that, it was a good poem. I liked the content.
-Eden